Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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