TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
