OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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