she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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