I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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