you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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