Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
