my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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