she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
