I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
