some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
soo... how was my night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
