I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
