It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Too much gin, very little bucket
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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