I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
