i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
