I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
