Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
