farters have to be the big spoon...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
