So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
