fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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