I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
