Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
