My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
