I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
