I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
