Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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