Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
