so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
two words: eviction party
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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