the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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