i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
