my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
