i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
