the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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