Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
