And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
