Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
