Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
