If i come over, it means nothing
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
