We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Randomize
