the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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