His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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