Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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