Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
