Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
