Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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