Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
