Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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