I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
