All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
