Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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