I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
