By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
