my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
