I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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