Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
