Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize