I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
