she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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