dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
