woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
