She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
