Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
