I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize