conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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