Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
