my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She needs sedatives and a leash
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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