I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
