Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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