i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
