If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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