Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
