Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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